Becoming Less Independent

I’ve always believed that I needed to become more independent. Younger Marcelo always dreamt of living on his own, exploring the world, and living the kind of life an archetypal man-of-the-world would live.

For a while I had all those things. Change however, happens slowly, and then suddenly. Before I knew it I was forced to lead a very different life — there were now others I was responsible for (you can read more about this in my article here). It was only after my relocation to Houston this past month that I’ve had some time to reflect. In the words of Marcelo back in 2022:

“Before you know it, you’ll be off someplace doing work you could have never imagined, meeting people from all walks of life, and wondering where to place yourself in the midst of it all.” re: An Instagram Post

Upon reflection, I’ve changed a lot. Through this process I find I’ve become less independent. I openly rely on others (thank you Mum). Looking back, young Marcelo didn’t know he could lean on others at all. He didn’t believe in showing his emotions. He believed he could walk for 6 hours straight and process difficult emotions on his own.

When my mum, sister, grandmother, and (now ex) girlfriend entered my life at the exact same time, I found myself as the only male surrounded by women at very different stages in life. The house would become extremely chaotic at times, and I found it difficult to manage at first. There were moments where I would feel isolated and alone.

Overtime I realized how vastly female friendships differ from male ones. Women to me it seemed, formed emotional support networks and would process emotions together as a group. In contrast, men would prefer close themselves off and process emotions on their own. If needed, a frank discussion with one good friend was often enough.

I’ve always heard women say that “it must be lonely to be a guy,” however I think that both sexes are just wired differently. Men still need support — just differently than women do.

I now reach out to family and friends quite often since arriving in Houston. The young Marcelo who’s pride would intervene when getting help is gone. Striving for independence blindly, however ideal this may seem, provides diminishing returns in the long run. Keep your friends close, and your family closer. Trust me — you will be all the better for it.

To those who have helped me through this process, thank you. I don’t know where I’d be without you.

With lots of love, Marcelo